T-minus 10 hours to the shit show I call moving

So moving day is tomorrow. Since the 31st is on a Tuesday all of mine and hubby's friends are working therefore we are the movers. I did have movers booked but changed my mind because I thought it was a tad expensive and wasn't sure if the other people would be out of our new place when we arrived. My fear was I'd be paying for people to stand around doing nothing, which doesn't work for me because time is money ladies and gentlemen.

So now I get to move in 30 degree weather and lug my crap up 2 big-ass flights of stairs. I may not make it and if I don't I want you to know that I love you all...except for my friends' next door neighbour who let her dog piss on my leg. I dislike you.

Disturbing things I saw last week

I work in downtown Halifax and see an array of interesting people on a daily basis. When I say interesting I mean gross and sad. I'm not a judgemental person, although I'm sure in my group of friends I can seem like it, but that's the way we roll. Here is a taste of what I saw last week and my verdict.

Meth Boy
Meth Boy is a young guy in his early 20's who has gone down the wrong street and kept on going. He wears really heavy clothing on hot days and sometimes looks like he got the piss beat out of him, although it wouldn't surprise me if he did it to himself in a meth rage. He also gave himself a haircut one time which left him with tufts of hair. I wish I had a picture of him sometimes so I could show my daughter what not to do. I saw him actually not downtown this week, but on my street pacing back and forth mumbling to himself, which isn't unusual but he was mumbling into a microphone which was attached to nothing.

VERDICT: I just want to give him a bath and a karaoke machine.

Santa's Surprise

It is not an uncommon practice for people to beg for change, dig through the garbage for bottles right next to you or pick up smoke butts for a fix. But this next fella caught me off guard slightly. First off he looked like a Santa who was down and out on his luck. Yellowing beard, sweat stains you know the picture I'm trying to paint here. I was outside enjoying the warm sun with a couple of my work buds at lunchtime when this fella walked by. Any who, he must have saw a good butt on the ground because he bent down to pick it up and I saw more butt them I could handle. He had a split the size of Steven Tylers mouth in the crack of his pants and all of us got the worst fright of our life. I'm fairly certain to this day that he wasn't wearing briefs.

VERDICT: I will be making sure this Santa isn't working the mall come Christmas time.

No Dignity Dad
This guy makes me sad. He has multiple tattoos on his face which will definitely ruin his chances of managing a Subway. Career killer move dude. He walks around the outside of Scotia Square Mall with a fanny pack on while picks up butts and looks in the smokers outpost cans. The worst thing...he has been bringing his 6 year old son with him. Now, if you are feeling the need to pick up smoke butts instead of, I don't know, QUITTING, please don't bring your kid with you. It's not considered bonding time and not the best memory for a child. I hope this kid doesn't have to write a "What I did on my summer vacation" essay when he goes back to school because Child Services may be paying a visit. 

VERDICT: Although you hold your kids hand and seem like you genuinely care for your son, sometimes you need to do things on your own.

I smell something burning...Hubby must be thinking

Hubby had a great idea today. They are few and far between so I thought it was worthy of a post. Let me set the scene.

We were at home and I suggested that since we are moving soon and I would like to paint the new place, so we should go look at paint chips. We were going to the grocery store anyway, which is next door to where I wanted to go, so why not?

The response I received wasn't even a language. Maybe in the days of neanderthals it was, but for 2010 I would consider it a mouth fart. How could hubby not want to look at paint chips? He likes to shop so whats the problem? So then he tries reverse psychology on me, "But I trust the way you decorate, so I don't need to look at them." Now part of me wanted to stop right there and agree, go pick out the most horrendous colour, paint our new walls and see what he had to say then. This however, would create way too much work for me in the end so I will keep it as Plan B.

Hubby then comes out with the idea that they should have mini bars, like the one you would see at a wedding, stationed in every store that is overwhelmed by the female gender. He said that men would be more apt to grace these places if they could have a cold beer to entertain them. I think he has something here. It beats bringing a flask with you and looking like an alcoholic I guess. I could tell he was impressed with his idea because I could already see him dreaming of flat screen TVs and sports. What's weird is that it's a Canadian Tire I wanted to go to, a store mostly filled with men. I have a feeling he had been thinking about this idea for awhile and needed to get it out in the open.

Men and their crazy ideas. What's next a ball room to keep them from wandering after they too hammered at the "in store" bar.

Deodorant: not just there to take up space

There are many things in this world that really serve no purpose except to get in my way, be useless, take up space or all of the above. Now of course I don't think these things were solely put here to annoy just me and only me, but it makes me a much more grouchy person if I think so, so I'm going to go with this notion.

Spencer Pratt. A stain on society from what I can see and should be told this on a daily basis by his mother. How is this fame-whore a "celebrity", for lack of a better word. I have never had the pleasure of watching The Hills, because I would probably dig my own eyes out with an icepick.
 

SPENCER = ALL OF THE ABOVE

That wet noodle is more of a celebrity then him.

Canned peas. Why have canned peas when you have frozen and fresh. There are other options now so canned peas should be sent packing. Plus I never did like them.

CANNED PEAS = USELESS

Oh lord, don't those look appetizing?

Slow mall walkers in a row. Maybe because I worked in retail for a long time I have this sense of urgency when I'm in a mall. I have places to go, things to buy and then get the hell out. When these mall walkers cut me off, stop suddenly in front of me or walk down the wrong side of the hall I want to start throwing elbows. I think I really need to deal with my anger in this department.

SLOW MALL WALKERS IN A ROW = GET IN MY WAY

Don't you just want to run through the middle yelling "Red Rover, Red Rover".

 There are many things that take up space, but do you know what doesn't? Deodorant. Yes deodorant. Deodorant just doesn't help you stay fresh, dry and free to move on those hot and humid days. It also does wonders for the people who are occupying the space around you. It lets these people stand to be around you on these days when perfume and cologne just won't cut it.

I'm pretty sure I have an obsession with deodorant. I just don't get how people can go through the day without it. I have been exposed to so many people this summer who have wretched odour emanating from them. How can you not smell that? Anyways, the verdict on deodorant is:

DEODORANT = NOT A WASTE OF SPACE

"Attention Wal-Mart shoppers...your ass crack is showing"

So I've come to find out that Wal-Mart shopping in Halifax is not like Wal-Mart shopping in other places in North America. Sure there are the weird people who you just want to smack. Like the ones who yell at each other in the store. The others who are waiting for a cab out front while they exhale cigarette smoke all over their kid in the cart or stroller. There's even people who push their cart down the wrong side of the aisle which really pisses me off. I was taught which side of the hall to walk down in elementary school, so you should know this as well. Of course there are some bad dressers, but it's Wal-Mart. Do you really have to wear your Sunday best? Apparently no...no you don't.

******WARNING******

The images you see may give you cramps, bloating and nausea...all of which are better than these outfits.

Looks like you're pondering something...like the lack of fabric on your arse.

I just checked to make sure my kid was soundly sleeping in her room because I'm pretty sure I've seen him somewhere before.

That's right, it was America's Most Wanted.

I have to say I respect a gal who stretches before strippin'. Very responsible.

Reverse crack?

...oh yes reverse crack. How could I have questioned it previously?

NO!

NOO!

NOOOOO!!!

....and my personal favorite...

The Cyril Sneer

After seeing that last one I think I'll have to go adjust my bra...

...for the rest of my life.

Check out peopleofwalmart.com for more awesomeness!

Moving boxes of wine would be a whole lot more fun

 

I'm going to be moving soon and its starting to cut into my productivity. Well I should rephrase. The weekend socializing is cutting into my weekend productivity of preparing for my move.


I get up these days around noon (on the weekend) and really don't get to do a whole bunch by the time I do some things with the Pipster and the normal weekend stuff.

I hate moving and I love weekend backyard drinking with my buds so I'm a tad torn. I think I'll book myself off for next weekend and concentrate on filling my boxes.

Shut your face and slap your momma, that's some good eatin'

I like food and food likes me, judging by the way it lingers around my ass. I do enjoy going out for a nice meal with the hubby once in a while, but most of the time we usually stay in and cook for ourselves. Hubby isn't much of a chef. Basically if it can't be prepared with a can opener or toaster he wants no part in it. So that leaves me to be the culinary expert in the family. Thankfully he will eat what I cook as long as there is no fish or spices. When I first started dating him he survived off of Scarios and KD. He has quite the pallet.

We love comfort food. It's terrible, I know, but so delicious right? Hubby's personal favorite...hot hamburger sandwiches. He will even order this in a restaurant. Men. I personally adore anything with potatoes and sour cream. If I want to eat non-stop until I gag from sheer pleasure, this is what I make. Bon Appetite!

Hash brown Casserole

1-1 1/2 bags frozen hash brown potatoes (or cut up shoestring fries)
1 1/2 c. grated Cheddar cheese
1 small container sour cream
1 can cream of chicken soup
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
1/2 small. onion, diced

TOPPING:
1/4 c. melted butter
1 1/2-2 c. crushed corn flakes
Mix well to coat flakes, sprinkle on casserole.

Mix all ingredients except hash browns until well blended. Stir in hash browns. Your mixture shouldn't be runny, it should stick together. Turn into 9 x 13 inch buttered dish. Top with topping. Bake at 350 degrees for 30-40 minutes. I usually cover it for the first 20 minutes so the top doesn't burn, but then again I have a shitty stove.

this isn't my casserole, but it looks some tasty.

You could always add some cooked ground beef or leftover ham. My friend Greggers suggested this and I think its a fine idea. If it sucks though don't blame me, although I could feel my arteries tighten when he mentioned ham.

"Bum on the Run"

There are a few characters in my neighbourhood that are questionable to say the least. I've mentioned the stinky juggler, and there's the outside soft core porno couple I have encountered, but then there is the bottle collectors that risk there life dodging cars along Quinpool Road. Most obey the rules of the road and just do their thing. For some though it could be bumper to bumper traffic and these crazies decide a good idea entails shoving their cart loaded with about 1000 cans and bottles across two lanes of traffic. Then try to lift it up and over a median looking around as if someone is going to come out and help them.

a) 4 feet to the left there is no median so c'mon.

b) Are you that crazy that you think this is a good idea.

c) NO ONE IS COMING TO HELP YOU, so you can stop your belly aching, once you do miraculously make it across, that people were just walking by staring. You made your pile of cardboard boxes bed, now you have to sleep in it.

One of my favorite fellas that I like to observe is a guy who broke the mold. He has platinum hockey hair and wears usually either a mesh shirt (I detest these) or no shirt. He has a cart and and a ghetto blaster which blares classic pop/rock. His taste in music is acceptable, but it stops there. I have a love hate relationship with this guy. While I love to watch him from a distance stumble, dance and talk to himself in broad daylight, I hate when he parks his disease ridden cart in front of my door. I feel trapped because I don't want to touch it for fear I will contract some disgusting puss filled rash or he'll come around the corner and spit on me. Either way I don't win in this situation. So I end up barricading myself in my apartment until I hear the sound of The Beatles fading in the distance.

This is dude's chariot. It wasn't parked directly in front of my door today, but his tunes were defiantly blaring.

"My side boob" is covered with a respectable blouse

It's the weekend, it's sunny and it's summer. It also apparently was a great day to take your girls out for a walk.

I went to the Superstore to grab a few things for the long weekend. From the time I left my door and walked the 2 minutes to the store and back I was bombarded with boobs, PDA and a waft of BO to boot.

There is this fella who sits outside the Superstore and juggles for change. He seems nice but I honestly don't get too close for fear I will swallow his stench, because it's that bad. So now I've managed to get inside the store. They're renovating and I'm pretty sure that everyone in the surrounding area came to shop at the same time as me just to be dicks. People were more ignorant today in the store than usual so this bothered me as I was already in a bad mood from the stink I walked through earlier.

I finally get my piddly food order into the checkout line, look up, blink then wonder if an episode of Bleu Nuit is being filmed. There right in front of me was a giant side boob hanging out of this chick's halter top. I was a deer in headlights and wanted to look away but could not. She turned to get her wallet and the side boob turned into a full boob shot. C'mon lady, how do you not feel that shit hanging out in the breeze?

So I left shaking my head, wondering how someone could leave the house with a shirt like that on only to walk outside and get a mouthful of body odour from the stinky juggler. So now I am in a bad mood, disappointed at the chick in the line up, gasping for non-stanky air and then I see it...a girl and guy laying on the grass in front of the Superstore totally making out hard core and what does the girl have?....Effin' side boob! WHAT?! I've been known to open the cookie bag before I got home, but hubby and I usually can keep it G-rated until we get to our door.

That can of Zoodles wasn't worth the therapy I need now.